The Slow Goodbye of Barnes and Noble

I had a really interesting experience today. 

I had some time to kill in between court appearances for some cases I was handling and there was a Barnes and Noble nearby. Liking the written word as I do, I thought I'd pop in. I haven't been there in several years so I thought why not. I could browse the poetry sections, check out Anne Rice's new books, and if there's any new thrillers out that look interesting that I could later buy on my Kindle. 

I walk in, and I'm awestruck. 

About 40% of the store is children's toys. Another 20% are children's books. Considering that 10% of the space is the cafe, that leaves less than a third of the store for actual books. 

In the front of the store, the first thing you see and the last thing you see as you walk out, is the Nook display with promos on ebooks. To the left are cash registers with a clerk standing behind them, I kid you not, reading an ebook on a Nook. 

I ambulate around the store and look at the shelves. Only the biggest and most famous authors in any genre remain on the shelves. There simply isn't enough room for anyone else. I walk to the Westerns and a thick layer of dust is on most of the books. I flip through a few of the pages of a short story collection and the book, kind of, stinks a little bit. Not like mold or anything; just a stale smell like it's been sitting in a warehouse for the past five years. 

So I head up to the clerk and the two of them are sitting there literally trying to find stuff to do. I think there were perhaps six people in the entire store and four of them were in the cafe sipping drinks. I ask her to see if they have one of my favorite books, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, and she flips through her computer. They don't have it, but they can order for it. It will take five days to get here. I passed. 

The only reason I asked at all is because the publisher of that book won't allow it be published as an ebook. And then I'd have to wait five days? I'm used to Kindle where I read what I want when I want. It used to be nothing to wait that long for a book you wanted to read, but now it seems as outdated as the horse and buggy. 

I realized something just then: Barnes and Noble is an antiquated business. Like typewriter stores and VCR repair shops (and yes, they did have those in California and parts of New York in the 80's. Not sure about the rest of the country). 

The reason they're antiquated is they, and the Big 5 publishers, are trying to push an ancient technology on us: paper books. If you're one of those that like paper instead of ebooks, I would dare say you just haven't given ebooks a shot. Objectively, they are better in every respect. The environmental impact of paper books alone is reason enough to switch to electronic. Not to mention built in backlights, dictionary, highlighting, voice, and font and color control. 

The publishers and Barnes and Noble refuse to adapt to the new environment. They treated authors terribly for so long, and milked the public for everything we were worth for so long, it's like they're addicted to crack. They don't want to give it up. And so that's why publisher's ebooks are sometimes more expensive than the paperbacks, and even the hardbacks: they want to deter this whole ebook thing. 

The thing is, the new technology has already taken over. Amazon announced in 2011 that they were selling more ebooks than print books, and now, it's not even close. 

Ebooks are the future. And they allow the writer to reach the reader and the reader to get great deals and find books they couldn't before. It's a win-win for everyone, except the drug dealers selling us overpriced paper. 

When Barnes and Noble goes out of business, and it certainly will with news like this, announcing that their stock dropped 17% and that they're thinking of starting a new company to handle the Nook, it will be a great day for book enthusiasts. 

Why?

Easy. First, those big publishers will realize they can't charge the same for an ebook as for hardback and the ebook prices should fall. 

Second, all those little mom and pop bookstores they have all over Europe might pop up here in the U.S. without the major chains to gobble them up. Print books can then be a little niche, like vinyl. 

All in all, the future is looking bright for writers and readers. So instead of mourning their loss, we should all say our farewells to Barnes and Noble, thank them for the years they helped us read, and wish them well in that long goodnight. 

By Victor Methos

Google

Read more »

Are UFO's Real?

I've always loved Napa, California and spent my summers here as a kid on my cousin's ranch. So trekking through the mountains at one in the morning and looking down over the city wasn't a completely new experience for me. We used to go to this platform we had on his ranch that overlooked the whole town. It was a perfect place to take girls to when I was a teenager: scary enough that they wanted to cuddle, but not so scary that I would be wondering if we were about to be attacked by wolves or bears.

But we were here for something else now: UFO's. Not that I believe in them. We, as a species, are hundreds if not thousands of years away from interstellar travel. If a civilization has achieved interstellar flight, we are the equivalent, technologically, of what the amoeba is to us. How often do humans study amoebas? Not very. They lose their fascination quickly. So I simply do not see any logical reason why such an advanced species would visit us.

And that's not even to mention the problems with interstellar flight; the nearest star system being 400 light years away, if we assumed this advanced civilization could travel the speed of light which is impossible for an object of the size needed, it would take them 400 years to get here. 400 years to study amoebas. It's simply too far-fetched for me to believe.

But, I was convinced by an acquaintance named Jim that something strange had been going on in the hills surrounding Napa and so I drank a liter of Diet Coke and tagged along.

Talk about a motley crew. Two of the guys there were so stoned they could barely walk. One of the women there was young and flirtatious and kept asking me what kind of car I drove. I think she might've been about 16. And Jim was hitting golf balls off the side of the mountain into the valley below.

We started walking and I was impressed by how black the sky looked and how the stars sparkled like jewels. Napa, from this peak, has almost no light pollution so the stars look unlike anywhere else in Northern California. We trudged up this trail for about half an hour and began going around the far side of the mountain.

"What are we looking for?" I asked.
"Black helicopters. You'll see them coming up here."

We sat on some rocks and pulled out snacks. I didn't talk much since I just kept steaming about the fact that I could be sound asleep in a warm bed instead of out here with stoners and a horny kid.

As I was contemplating leaving, I heard a thumping in the distance. It grew louder and louder, and sure enough, a helicopter spun around the mountain and disappeared on the other side. The people I was with started snapping photos and mumbling to each other in hushed tones.

"See," Jim said. "Why would there be helicopters out at one in the morning? There's nothing up here, it's all just ranches and homes."
"It could've been a news copter," I said.
"That thing was black. The news copters all got their logos on the sides."

I couldn't disagree with him. It was a black helicopter out at one in the morning flying over a mountain that was filled with nothing it could be interested in. I waited for it to come out from the other side of the mountain, but it never did.

"See," Jim said again, excitement in his voice.
"Dude, there's tons of ultra-wealthy people up here. It could just be some private copter."
"No way, man. No one has black copters up here."

We started walking again and this time, I was actually a little spooked. I knew this area well and knew most of the people up here. No one had a helicopter. But it had to land somewhere.

As we ascended to near the top, we all took positions on a grassy knoll and watched the sky. I put my backpack underneath my head and stared up at the night sky. It was one of the most peaceful moments in my life and I contemplated the universe and other planets and where fate had brought me in my life. I noticed the 16 year old inching closer so I quickly moved over next to Jim and made sure his hulking, sweating, beer-soaked body was between us.

"It's coming, dude," he said. "You'll see it."
"What am I gonna see?"
"Just wait."

So we hung out another hour.

"How long are we gonna be up here?"
"I dunno. We're sometimes here till daybreak."
"What? Jim you didn't tell me that. I got stuff to do tomorrow."
"Chill out, man. It'll be worth it, I swear."

So another hour passed. I was just staring absently at the sky when I felt Jim lean in close to me. "There it is."

Far up in the sky, well past where planes could go, I saw several blinking lights. They seemed like they weren't moving but that could've been an optical illusion because of how far they were. I closed my eyes, and like a cartoon, rubbed them again to make sure I could see clearly. The blinking lights were still there.

"See."
"It's just lights, man," I said.
"You've never seen lights up that high. There's no planes that go up that high."

I watched the lights as long as I could but before long they zipped to the right at what seemed like an incredibly fast speed and were gone.

That incident never really settled well with me. The lights and the helicopter and the speed with which they moved. Maybe it was just too late at night and it started affecting my vision? One thing I can say: perhaps there's things that we haven't quite fully come to understand that have perfectly logical, almost mundane, explanations? I'm sure the aurora borealis was a mystical, unexplainable experience to the first Alaskan explorers but as science and our knowledge progressed we came to understand that it's just light particles reflecting off of electrons in the atmosphere. Knowledge seems to take the magic out of existence.

I don't know what those lights were. But to be honest, in this science-technology driven world where myth and magic are becoming less and less relevant, I have to admit I get more than a little pleasure from having experienced this mystery. And nothing adds spice to life like a little mystery.

Read more »

How to Get Rich with Kindle Direct Publishing

Kindle Direct Publishing

When I began this blog, I really wanted it to be a journal of various issues and anecdotes that I felt like writing about. But many of the emails I receive are from young writers wanting tips on how to make it as an indie author. 

I go out of my way to help my readers with whatever they need help with, and this blog is no exception. Personally, I hate writing about writing, but I'm happy that I've reached a level of success that others reach out to me for advice. So, here's a few more tips:

Getting Rich: The Non- 4 Hour Workweek Style

Before you can even think of becoming a successful writer, you must adopt a successful mentality. Our culture seems to value the "get rich quick" scheme. It has taken various forms throughout the ages and has manifested in modern culture with multi-level marketing and the 4 Hour Workweek style business. 

Now don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the 4 Hour Workweek. I think it has some information that is invaluable to a businessman. He's selling a dream and it's a nice dream to partake of. But I've started more businesses than Tim Ferris has and what I can tell you is that if you want success you must work for it. Very, very few people can make vast sums of money without putting in the correct amount of work. 

Writing is no different. There are no shortcuts. You must learn your craft. You must learn characterization, plotting, grammar and syntax. Of course this doesn't mean you should write like an English professor. Once you put in the time and learn the correct way to write, break all the rules. My favorite writers ignored the rules of proper writing and wrote how they felt, which is what I try and do. But don't think that this comes easy or that you can just plop out a few books and get rich. It took me fifteen years of writing nearly every day to get where I am, and all the successful writers I know have put in similar time. 

If you want to get rich using Kindle Direct Publishing, first realize you will have to work hard. The one rule I've learned in becoming a successful author is that content is king. And for that you have to learn to actually write. 

Getting Rich with Kindle Direct Publishing

Once you can actually write, the rest is the fun part. My favorite part of business is marketing and sales. I've spent years perfecting my pitch at my law firm in order for my clients to appreciate my level of experience and feel comfortable enough to hire me. My pitch was developed by studying psychology, not business per se. Because business is psychology; the cornerstone of all business is marketing and sales and those are based on simple behavioral models that anyone can learn. 

So, with the psychology of your target audience in mind, think of these next few steps and how to apply them yourself: 

1. Pick Your Genre:

  

You want to get rich selling books on the Kindle but you like writing literary fiction? You're probably more likely to win the lottery. It's good to take bets sometimes but you have to take calculated bets. The odds are that the genres you can make real money in are not the ones with shrinking markets. Science fiction/fantasy, mystery, thriller, romance, erotica, horror and contemporary fiction are all good genres to pick. Leave the poetry and literary fiction for once you're established and can play around a little.

2. Pick Your Market

Before you put a single word to e-paper, consider your market. In every business I own, this is the secret of my success. Think of your market first before you act. This requires some serious research. Does your chosen genre have many female protagonists and that's how the readers prefer it? You'll have to develop that female voice. Does your genre require knowing esoteric scientific knowledge? You better brush up online or get a subscription to Scientific American. 

I write some science fiction but I come from a mathematics and philosophy background; two fields that help me enormously in that genre. I wouldn't even attempt to write sci-fi without at least some scientific context. 

So know what your market wants, do the research and put in the work, and cater to that. 

3. Ignore Bad Reviews

Some authors I hear from tell me that they have received many bad reviews and are discouraged from writing. Let me be clear about this: IGNORE REVIEWS. Just ignore them. To a point. 

We all come to the table with different ideologies and prejudices and who the heck really knows why people leave the reviews they do?

To give you one example: a reviewer gave one of my books a one star review because they were upset that my protagonist used an iPhone and Mac and the reviewer preferred android. I'm not kidding, that really happened. 

So ignore the bad reviews on a personal level, but learn from them if there's something to learn. It's a fine line you have to walk, but occasionally reviewers leave constructive reviews. You just have to separate them from the nut-balls and you might actually learn something. 

4. Write Like Crazy

There is no form of marketing as efficacious as a previous book someone enjoyed. I list all my books at the front and back of all my other books. I want to make sure all my readers know about all my books and nothing has led to more sales. 

Write as many books as you comfortably can in a year. I wrote six novels and a novella in 2012, adding an additional $2500 per month to my income from Kindle Direct Publishing. Many of you may not be able to write as quickly as I and that's fine; but whatever you do, don't take the publishing industry's advice that each book should take two years to perfect. If you're trying to get rich from KDP, then you need to think of each book you write as a roll of the roulette wheel. I took seven rolls this year. Do you really want to only take one roll every two years? Forget that and write as much as you can. 

I should say a note on writer's block here: I have never gotten it. I don't even understand really what it is. Are the words just not coming or can the writer not even articulate the ideas in his head? I think the reason I'm blessed with this is that I just treat writing like any other business. I sit down at the Mac every day and write and that's all there is to it. No ifs, ands or buts. You'll need to develop something similar. Too many writers spend too much time contemplating writing rather than actually writing. 

Psychiatrists and psychologists routinely recommend patients keep a journal. This is because the process of writing is psychologically different from the process of thinking. They involve different regions of the brain. 

How many NBA players come out one day and say, "I can't play basketball today?" How many television actors/actresses come out and say, "Sorry guys, you'll have to shut down production cause I just can't act today." People in every field have stress but writers seem to think they have something unique that prevents them from performing. It's BS. Just sit down and write every day and I promise you that after a number of months or years you won't even remember what writer's block is. 

5. Use Your Funds to Advertise Your Books

In my other businesses, and as every successful business does, I take much of the profit from my books and invest in new books. I market, spend on editors and book cover designers, travel to various events etc. Many writers take their funds and blow it on momentary pleasures. As a Mormon, for me this would probably be cars, travel and clothing (I love nice clothes). But for others it might be booze or drugs or prostitutes or gambling (writers are not known as a stable group). 

Don't do that. 

Instead, take your money and think like a businessman. Think, "how can I maximize the profit I just made to make even more next month?" Invest in your books and they will pay dividends. Ignore them, and like the books at failing bookstores all over the world, they will collect dust. 

6. Stick to Amazon and Kindle Direct Publishing: For a While

I've been successful at all the different book publishing platforms, but none of them are as responsive to marketing as Kindle Direct Publishing. Pubit, Barnes and Noble's publishing platform, can make a tidy sum but you have to forsake the Kindle Prime program which can garner a lot of money for you in loans (Amazon prevents your ebook from being published elsewhere if you join Prime). 

Some authors swear they've had more success on Barnes and Noble or even Kobo, but I've tested various marketing models and none of them responded like Amazon did. This wasn't a double-blind University study, so take it for what it's worth, but in my experience you can make a lot more with Kindle Direct Publishing and Kindle Prime than with anyone else.

Having said that, experiment and find out what works. I have an exclusivity deal with Amazon that expires soon and I'm going to allow Kobo and Barnes & Noble to publish my books in 2013. I'll report on whether market conditions have changed, but you shouldn't take my word for it. Try all the platforms out yourself and see which ones are the most responsive to your type of writing. 

7. Help Other Authors. 

There's just something about helping other people that leads to blessings in your own life. You may not believe in a God, so just think of it as karma or a principle of electromagnetism: What you put out into the universe is exactly what you get back. You be a jerk, you'll find yourself surrounded by jerks. But you be generous with your time and your knowledge and the universe will reward you likewise. So, for  crap's sake, just be a nice guy or gal and help out when someone asks you for help. 

These are some of the principles I've used to sell more books than I could've ever dreamed I would've sold. It's gotten to the point to where I'm not even interested in a book deal with a publisher because there is no way they would offer me as much as I'm making now. 

If you want this type of success, the only thing I can tell you is to treat your writing like a business, believe in yourself, and write as much as possible. Do this, and there's no way you can fail. 

As always, leave a comment or email me with any questions or clarifications. I'm always happy to help out my fellow wordsmiths.

By Victor Methos

Google

Read more »

Sea Monsters and Megalodons Among Us

The fisherman came into the little bar on the beach near Cabo San Lucas and sat at the corner table next to me and my friends. We were drunk, though it wasn't yet noon (and I was not yet a convert to the Mormon Church), and we shot tequila with lime and dessert beers to sip. The fisherman began talking to us and as we drank with him, I asked an unusual question: alguna vez has visto un monter mar? In my terrible, broken Spanish, that was "have you ever seen a sea monster?"

His eyes went wide and he made a whistling sound through his teeth. My Spanish, as well as the fact that I was thoroughly drunk, did not enable me to keep up with the story he told us afterward, but what I could make out and what was told to me afterward by my friends indicated that yes, he had definitely seen a sea monster and fully believed that massive creatures thought extinct still existed in the ocean.

Do sea monsters actually exist? Since the days when men went out on the water in boats made of little more than sticks tied together with vine, sea monster stories and sightings have been mankind's constant companion. And why are we so fascinated with creatures of the deep?

When I was twelve years old, my cousin Shane and I went surfing in the Bay Area about an hour south from San Francisco. The waves were terrible and we switched to wake-boarding instead because there wasn't even enough force to make surfing worthwhile.

I was about twenty feet from shore and I fell. The water was cold. The type of cold that makes a man feel not like a man. I glanced around for my cousin when I felt something hit me in the ribs. It was just a tap, not much more, but I certainly felt it. I looked over to see a massive fish, what I now think to be a tuna, partially eaten. Enormous bites were taken out of it and its dead eyes were looking up at me. I found out then that I scream like a twelve year old girl when a half-eaten tuna hits me in the ribs.

It wasn't so much the tuna but what had done that to the tuna that frightened me. I pictured a massive shark or giant squid, but there are much more terrifying things in the sea.

During World War II, an American sub picked up a sound with a corresponding blip on their sonar. The origin of the sound had to be massive, larger than any known biological entity in the ocean. Even a blue whale. The sound registered at such an intensity, that it was determined that no known source, man-made or natural, could have produced that sound.

Creepy.

In 1997, United States Navy equipment picked up an unnatural sound that could not be identified as well. It was ultra low frequency and to this day we cannot identify the origin. It's quite possibly the same type of sound picked up by the sub in World War II. It's simply been named "Bloop" and you can listen to it here.

Sea monster tales have been with us since the beginning. The ancient Greeks wrote accounts of the Hydra, a multi-headed beast that dwells in the underworld. Modern day scholars believe the tale of the hydra to simply be giant squid, tales of which sailors would have brought back to the cities to the amusement of the inhabitants. But even modern day scholars traveling the world find account after account of modern day sea monsters. Take this account by Australian fisherman recorded by naturalist David Stead:

In the year 1918 I recorded the sensation that had been caused among the "outside" crayfish men at Port Stephens, when, for several days, they refused to go to sea to their regular fishing grounds in the vicinity of Broughton Island. The men had been at work on the fishing grounds---which lie in deep water---when an immense shark of almost unbelievable proportions put in an appearance, lifting pot after pot containing many crayfishes, and taking, as the men said, "pots, mooring lines and all". These crayfish pots, it should be mentioned, were about 3 feet 6 inches [1.06 m] in diameter and frequently contained from two to three dozen good-sized crayfish each weighing several pounds. The men were all unanimous that this shark was something the like of which they had never dreamed of. In company with the local Fisheries Inspector I questioned many of the men very closely and they all agreed as to the gigantic stature of the beast. But the lengths they gave were, on the whole, absurd. I mention them, however, as a indication of the state of mind which this unusual giant had thrown them into. And bear in mind that these were men who were used to the sea and all sorts of weather, and all sorts of sharks as well. One of the crew said the shark was "three hundred feet [90 m] long at least"! Others said it was as long as the wharf on which we stood---about 115 feet [35 m]! They affirmed that the water "boiled" over a large space when the fish swam past. They were all familiar with whales, which they had often seen passing at sea, but this was a vast shark. They had seen its terrible head which was "at least as long as the roof on the wharf shed at Nelson's Bay." Impossible, of course! But these were prosaic and rather stolid men, not given to 'fish stories' nor even to talking about their catches. Further, they knew that the person they were talking to (myself) had heard all the fish stories years before! One of the things that impressed me was that they all agreed as to the ghostly whitish color of the vast fish. The local Fisheries Inspector of the time, Mr Paton, agreed with me that it must have been something really gigantic to put these experienced men into such a state of fear and panic.

What's reported here is a megalodon shark, a prehistoric species that is thought to have gone extinct 1.4 million years ago. Is it possible these massive predators still live in the sea?  A species of giant shark surviving deep in the sea undetected by man seems far fetched since the most obvious question is: where are the bodies? Well sharks leave little behind when they decompose. Normally, nothing more than a vertebrae and teeth since their bodies are made of cartilage. Evidence from corpses would be difficult to come by. Also, lets not forget that the megamouth shark, once thought a myth, was discovered to be an actual species of shark. A large species for that matter, and completely undetected by man until recently when they were discovered off the coast of Hawaii.

The megalodon is a fascinating case study however, as some people believe that a megalodon tooth was dredged up from the sea in the 19th century. When the tooth was dated much later, it was determined to be about 10,000 years old. If a shark can exist 10,000 years ago, so the proponents say, it can exist today. The shark would be the size of a ship and lurking far off away from land, looking for any meal that could sustain its girth. With teeth up to a foot in length, it would be the most efficient and monstrous predator that has ever lived.

Next time you go out on the ocean, try not to picture that.

Read more »

The Death of Traditional Publishing (and good riddance)

I don't like writing about writing. Something too meta-metaphysical about it for me. But I've gotten so many emails from young writers asking my advice on publishing and where I think it's headed and how to sell books that I figured I would write one blog post about it and let it be (after all, you came to this blog to read about me peeing my pants in fear as an elephant charges me, which I would never do because I'm all man, 'cough' totally happened 'cough'). So without further delay, my thoughts on publishing, self-publishing and the big six publishing houses, as well as how to become a successful author:

Do you remember when you'd walk into Barnes & Noble (or Borders if you were a hipster weirdo) and see the rows and rows of beautifully stacked books with cover art that would make Salvador Dali drool? If you were a writer like me, you thought to yourself that one day you would be here. Your book would be the one in the bargain bin that the homeless guys would take into the bathroom for ten minutes and then put back.

When I started writing in the 90's, I sent every short story to every magazine and every novel to every literary agent and publishing house on the planet (literally; there were even some letters sent to agents in Africa and Eastern Europe). While I had some success with short stories, particularly my science fiction, my novels were rejected time and time again, even though I knew many of them could be bestsellers if just given a chance.

But there is a massive disconnect in the publishing world: agents want works they deem "important" (which means boring) and publishers want what they think are going to be bestsellers. So not only does your work have to strike an agent as important, it has to impress several editors and MBA's at the publishing houses that it has bestseller potential (the publishing houses, by the way, are terrible at predicting what will and will not be a bestseller). It was not a world meant for authors and the authors lucky enough to get an agent and then land a publishing deal got scraps for royalties, no promotion dollars, and worked their tails off going from one book-signing to the next.

Then something miraculous happened: Amazon released the Kindle and allowed authors to self publish their books.

Ebooks had been around for a while, but Amazon was truly the trendsetter and the largest bookstore in the world. It changed and is still changing the way the world reads. Amazon is so innovative, so author and reader friendly, that I wholly predict that in the future Amazon will be the only source to buy most books from. Mark my words (is that still a phrase by the way?).

I decided to give epublishing a try at this time. Why not? My novels had been rejected by every agent and publisher out there; may as well give it a shot myself. I had a few novels I'd written years ago and a new one that I'd just polished off. I started publishing in June of 2011. So let's look at a period after six months, which is a pretty good chunk of time to determine if something is working for you. Here are the numbers for December, 2011, six months after I started epublishing my books:

Total Books sold for the month: 43,841
Biggest Bestseller: THE WHITE ANGEL MURDER with just over 30,000 copies
Number of reviews for all books: 27
Highest Rank Achieved: #28 in Amazon overall, #1 in mystery and police procedural.

Let's just look at my bestseller, THE WHITE ANGEL MURDER. The current list price for that book is 2.99. Assuming the current list price (though the price swung in December between .99 cents and 4.99), that's over $60,000 in royalties from one of my books in one month. That number is absolutely staggering. Granted, that was my biggest month by far. Though I didn't make $60,000 because of the experimentation with price, I did make well into the five figures. This month I will receive royalties in the five figures as well, and for a few months to come.

I am a successful trial lawyer by profession. I defend high-level drug dealers, gangsters, and represent multi-million dollar corporations in litigation. I've put eight years into college and law school and years and years grinding away at law firms and government agencies gaining experience before I went out on my own and began my own firm with a partner. But all of that pales with how much money I am currently making with my little novels I sell on Amazon. I am literally making more at this part-time writing gig than I do as a partner at a successful law firm. Every new Jon Stanton book I put out makes me $10,000 the first month and I'm inundated with emails about when the next release is hitting the virtual shelves. This would have been rarer than a hippie in a shower before Amazon released the Kindle.

I have been approached by literary agents about signing with them and finding a traditional "big six" publisher. So how much of an advance can I expect from one of these behemoths of the publishing industry? $15,000. No joke, that is the average advance. On top of that, I have to do book signings, have them choose the cover art, the price, and make the final editing decisions. Also, if they decide it's not worth pursuing because it doesn't have bestseller potential, they won't promote it. And if I promote it myself, my royalties would be 17.5 percent. Why would I, in my right mind, sign with them and give up potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars?

Amazon is so ahead of the curve that it's made the publishing houses and other retailers look like bumbling fools in comparison. Recently, Barnes and Noble declared war on Amazon refusing to sell any book or ebook published by Amazon. Brilliant move Barnes and Noble. You will be sorely missed as you file for bankruptcy.

This just shows what dinosaurs the publishing industry has become. Some publishers refuse to take on successful authors that have self published ebooks because they wish to curb the industry. Are they crazy? I'm telling you, these are the same guys who fought DVD's in favor of video cassettes, who fought cars in favor of horse and buggies, who fought fire in favor of warming food on the backs of horses. They are a dying breed, and the sooner they die off the better. They stand not only in the way of the writer, but the reader as well.

I used to walk into Barnes and Noble and really have a hankering to read a good monster book like JAWS. If I was lucky, I might find one. It would probably be overpriced and crappy but I had few other options. Now, I can go to the Kindle Store and find hundreds of these types of books by indie authors, most of them no more than a few bucks. As a reader, I couldn't be happier.

I think I have these agents that keep contacting me figured out though: they think that I want the prestige of a traditional publishing contract more than I want the thousands and thousands of dollars I make self-publishing. If that's you, and your ego is so fragile that you need the approval of the literati over making a ton of money, good for you. Have fun in your studio apartment. I hear Top Ramen makes a lot of new flavors now.

As for the rest of us, I would say this emphatically to any new writer thinking about whether to pursue traditional publishing or self publishing: DINOSAURS GO EXTINCT FOR A REASON. Forget them, forget the big six, and write good novels, make good covers, and get them up into the Kindle Store. In a couple of months, you'll laugh that you ever even wanted to be a slave to a publishing house.

And, dear Victor, how exactly do we make a lot of money selling ebooks?

Do you want my secret? I'm happy to share it with you: write good books. Did you get that? No? WRITE GOOD BOOKS.

If you love mysteries and you write a paranormal romance because you think that's what's hot right now, how good is your book going to be? About as good as a Pauly Shore movie (okay, okay, Encino Man was awesome).

Not enough for you? Then one more secret: have something distinctive about your book. Why is your book different from the hundreds of other books in your genre?

THE WHITE ANGEL MURDER, and its sequels, are my best works. They also have something distinctive about them: the protagonist, homicide detective Jon Stanton, is a practicing, devout Mormon (as I am). Seems like a minor detail that wouldn't really add anything to the story, doesn't it? Well look at my reviews for that book and then tell me that. Every negative review that I recall doesn't say anything about poor suspense, or characterization, or plotting. They all talk about the religion in the book and that religion makes them uncomfortable. Then you have many positive reviews sticking up for the book and for religion. It was like a little battle between the faithful who bought my books and atheists. When you can strike some cord like that, something that polarizes people, you've got something special.

And a final third secret you say? No problem: actually write.

Seems like an easy thing for a writer but I'm shocked how much time some of the young writers that contact me spend doing anything but writing. One person informed me that they spend two hours a day on twitter and have a full time job. Well if that's the case, how much time do you think he is spending writing? Maybe half an hour to an hour a day. What a waste.

I know indie authors love promoting their books on Twitter, but it's a waste of time. I recently had to do a purge of followers because the thousands of writers I was following lambasted me with two or even three or four posts a day. They got a five star review, post. They got a four star review, post. They were featured on some crappy blog that nobody reads, post. Their mama said their book is better than THE GREAT GATSBY, post. It made Twitter unusable for me. And I guarantee those writers didn't sell a single book that way. Nobody likes in your face sales. It makes you think the product is crappy.

Instead of Twitter, get on that ole' laptop and crank out some novels, some short stories, some novellas, even some poems if you're up to it. But get to that keyboard and actually write.

There has never been a better time to be a writer. But it won't fall on your lap. It takes work, like anything else that's worthwhile. Write good books, make them distinctive, get out a plethora of work every year, and give the middle finger to the Big 6 and Barnes & Noble and join the flock of Amazon and I guarantee you that you will have success beyond your wildest dreams.

Read more »

How Ernest Hemingway Saved My Life

Growing up my father was one seriously messed up SOB.

He constantly cheated on my mom, sometimes with me in the next room wondering what he was doing to the poor lady to make her scream like that.

He missed birthdays, baseball games, karate matches, and later the birth of my daughter. He was physically and mentally abusive and an alcoholic.Once he spent our savings taking a woman he was having an affair with to Europe, though I did not go on a real vacation until well after college.

At seven, he locked me in a dirty, dark cellar so he could have sex with a woman that was at our house. When I was eleven, he broke my nose because I opened my Christmas present early.

I carried anger and hatred for him my entire life. Worse, he was my only example of what a man should be. You can guess what happened.

By the time I hit 19, I think I had a death wish. I boxed so much that my instructors had to tell me they refused to train me until I was adequately rested from my last bout. I was in a bar fight every weekend, raced motorcycles that I was no good at racing, jumped off roofs because people at drunken parties dared me to. Once I sped down a residential street at a 120 mph on the wrong side of the road playing chicken just to see if anyone dared not to move . . . I was psychotic (everyone moved by the way).

And then, I rediscovered a world I had not seen since I was kid: the world of books. I read Nietzche, Kierkegaard, Sarte, Fitzgerald, Homer, Aristotle, Plato, Marx, Hume . . . the list goes on and on. But one man stood above them all: Hemingway.

I think my first exposure to him was an old library copy of his collected short stories. I got to the Snows of Kilimanjaro and re-read it several times. Then I went through his novels beginning with A Farewell to Arms. I was hooked.

His writing was revolutionary (read his novels and find me one misplaced word, just one), and controversial (they were burned in 1933 as examples of decadence and have been called racist and homophobic since the 1980's) and degraded by intellectuals (Gertrude Stein called it filth and overcompensation for homosexuality).

But none of that mattered to me. It was his characters that I fell in love with.

His characters have a depth to them that many overlook upon first reading. They have a depression that follows them but it's a depression that ends ultimately in the belief that life is worth living. Even beautiful and wondrous. He taught me that nature is where the meaning of life is found. It's where rebirth happens. No matter what happens in your life, rebirth is possible.

He led directly to my present personality and pursuits. I found adventure, nature, risk and in it all, the most important lesson Hemingway taught me: how to be a man.

People do not realize how difficult it is to be a good man. Most men glance over the question and most women don't understand why we can't come to terms with what being a man means.

Though I was nearly suicidal, Hemingway taught me that by facing death boldly, not encouraging it, but facing it boldly, one can live a meaningful life. His characters had fathers like mine, but they loved life. Through that example I saw that I too could love life. That the past didn't matter and all I had in front of me was the future, untouched by my childhood.

That, in the end, was what I learned a man was. Someone, that despite all the horror and pain that life can throw at you, is in love with life. This, at 33, is the philosophy I hold now. The philosophy that got me through those dark times when life didn't seem worth living.

Hemingway wasn't the first to express this philosophy, but no one in history has expressed it quite so beautifully.

 Thanks old man, wherever you are now.

Read more »

How to Be Robbed in Africa

Kilimanjaro.

The cloud covered peak appears like a soft cake from above in the rickety plane that could fall apart at any moment. A thick white frosting is overflowing from the center and it reminds me that I haven't had a good pastry in a long time.

The grasslands are gold and green and as the plane descends you can see the landscape dotted with animals of all shapes and colors. Roving masses of wildebeest, Thomson's gazelles that dart off the plains and disappear in the tall grass, some sort of deer with white underbellies that look from one direction to the next before dipping back into the grass for another bite. 

I look for the lions and hyenas but don't see any. They grow rare because of the encroachment of man and by poachers. I heard a story that a whole pride of lions was slaughtered because a wealthy Arabian businessmen wanted to kill a pride and they paid off some park officials and were allowed to do it. I thought of the little bouncing lion cubs with their sweet faces, walking close to the party of people out of childhood curiosity and being shot to death in return.

The plane lands and we get off. My guide was behind me and he whispered in my ear, "Do you have any money on you?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Hide it in your ass."

"What?"

"You need to hide it in your ass. If you hide it in your boot or in your crotch they'll search you and find it."

We get into a car and drive for what seems like forever and I'm thinking about why I should shove cash in my ass. I decide my guide is being way too cautious and hide my cash in the inside pocket of my vest (yeah, I wore a vest because I saw someone in an Indiana Jones movie wear one).

We step out and a crowd of people swarm over us. I thought we could slip by but we're spotted as tourists right away.

"I want to see some lions," I tell my guide.

"We can find some. But it's not as easy as it used to be. They're dying out. Now try not to get everything stolen. And don't fight back. These are hungry people and they are just doing what hungry people do."

Dozens of hands cover me. They find the pocket on my vest and take my cash.

"I told you to hide it in your ass," my guide says.

"I thought you were messing with me."

We get in another jeep and drive out on the plains. We sit for a long time while the guide looks through binoculars. We drive a little more and then get out and sit behind a bush.

"What are we doing here?" I ask.

"Look right there."

He points to shapes moving underneath the shade of a tree and my heart drops into my stomach. A male lion, its mane swaying in the breeze, is falling asleep as the rest of the pride finish their meal of zebra or whatever they had killed. Once it's torn open, all animals look the same.

We watch them for a long time and then get back in the jeep and begin to drive.

"You have a daughter?" my guide asks.

"Yeah."

"She will not see lions when she is older unless they are imprisoned in a zoo. They will not live that long. The poachers pay good money to hunt them."

I look back to the pride. Many of them finished with the food and are lying happily under the tree. Two little cubs playfully jumped on their father and then ran away before running back and jumping on him again.

I turn back around.


If you wish to donate to the World Wildlife Fund and help save our lions, please visit their website at www.worldwildlife.org

Read more »